My Everest

I am leaving. I have packed my bags and I will be starting the first leg of my journey in about half an hour. I can't believe it. Nepal for a month. I think it is the much needed escape I've been looking for.

When I get back I've decided I need to hop back on the blogging thing. I didn't do it often before, but I have been working on so many projects and finishing things finally that people have been asking me to post pictures of the things that I have made. Blogging seems to be the easiest solution to showing everybody my crafts.

So to start off the blogging (although it will most likely be put on hold for a month), I am going to show off the bag I made for my trip. I don't like backpacks much, and I have been wanting an excuse to get or make a big sack type of bag for a while. I used nutmeg colored duck cloth for the main part of the bag, and an adorable oil cloth that I picked up in a store in Dallas for the rest. I have to admit though, I did steel the design from a bag my roommate's boyfriend gave her for Christmas... then I added my own twist as usual.



The dress is one of my own creations, as is the bag of course. The dress is more legitimately my creation considering I didn't get the idea from anything I guess.



I love the print of the inside. I added a couple of places to hang things, and an extra hidden pocket for cash. Perfect for the trip. The whole front is a pocket as well. My roommate didn't even know that about her own bag until I was looking at hers to figure out a pattern.

So I'll actually update my blog and make it look all pretty when I come back. I'll be sure to post lots of pictures from my trip as well. Wish me luck!

My new dress

So I came home the other day and decided to actually make the dress I had cut out many months ago. I made it out of an old large linen skirt that my mom or grandma gave me a while ago and some tatting I got from a mainstream store. But because it was a remake from an old lady skirt it has pockets. Always a must in a dress. The pattern was somewhat inspired by an Anthropologie dress that I had seen. Actually just the neckline really. For some reason I felt inspired to create something. It always puts me in a better mood. So I wore the dress to church and work today and felt like I could wear this dress over and over again. That usually doesn't happen with my creations. Usually I wear something I make once and decide it is too different to wear again. This actually also made me realize that I want desperately to invest in a good dress form. Unfortunately I'll most likely have to pay full price because petites aren't usually in stores... especially here in Provo. Oh how I long for Dallas and its many conveniences. Oh well. I'll just use the money from the crochet flower hair clips I sell and Christmas money. Anyway, here's the dress.

My Mental State

Today has been quite the day for me, but not. More of a day or revelation than anything eventful you could say.

I woke up and laid in bed for hours. When I finally crawled out and put on my clothes it was already about 1:00. When I walked out to my car to pick up my paycheck it was raining, and I was wearing my new leather flats. You think I would be slightly upset considering it was cold and raining and my new shoes were on the verge or ruin. No.

I picked up my paycheck, then went to the bank to cash it. There was a big truck with a trailer blocking the way, and I got in and realized that I forgot my account number. No worries. I still got it cashed.

Then I went to Rite Aid to pick up some Christmas lights and tape. So they didn't have any lights in the color I wanted, and I ran into an old friend that I made myself a fool in from of in the past.

When I was there a friend texted me and asked me if I was available. I was supposed to have finished her birthday present, but I hadn't.

When she came over she suggested we visit a friend that I have blown off continuously because I've been too cold and tired or busy.

Another friend texted me and told me that since he flew to Colorado on his vacation instead of driving, we wouldn't be able to see each other.

The whole time it is raining and drizzly and grey. You would think I would be in a bad mood. NEVER!!!

The whole time I was ecstatic. I didn't get a sleep in headache. The rain seemed to shrink to a drizzle when I had to walk outside. My friend was working and complimented my new shoes. My paycheck was bigger than expected, with a holiday fix for Thanksgiving (which we all had off) that I had forgotten about. The bank was able to deposit my check. White Christmas lights are just as good as yellow or orange. I had a nice chat with the friend I ran into. I went and visited the friend I had blown off with the friend I haven't finished the present for. I have had a good day. I have plans tonight with friends.

It's funny that just the general way you look at things really effects your day. Instead of fretting about the fact that I won't be going home for Christmas, I decided that I'm going to dress the place up. Instead of being bummed that my two best friends have these guys that completely adore them and I don't, I'm very much excited that they are so happy. Instead of being upset at the fact that my trip to Thailand is canceled because my brother and sister-in-law aren't going to be there anymore, I'm glad that I'll be an aunt again, and that little Magnus will have a cousin around his age to play with. I'm happy.

It makes me wonder why I beat myself up about stupid boys and stressful situations in life. No matter how stressed, no matter how annoyed, no matter how abused, no matter how much I am taken advantage of, there is always something good in there. If not in that specific situation, then there's something good somewhere else that makes the worries shrink to their real size.

Fretting and griping and moaning and complaining and stressing may be fun at times, and well worth the let go, but why really bother when there's reason to be in high spirits?

Tempus Fugit

Usually tempus fugit is translated as "time flies", but the direct translation is "time flees". I like that better. Or at least it seems to fit my life right now.

I feel like recently time hasn't flown by. I feel like it flees from me. It finds the first opportunity and just takes off as fast as it can. It has it's own life and deals with it better than I.

I'm just 23, but what have I been doing these last 23 years? I used to be so happy and so free. Now I go day to day doing the same things over and over again. I need to finish school. I need to write. I need to date. I need to start doing the things I have been dreaming of all my life. I'm in the day to day. I'm in a rut.

I had a bit of a breakdown today. It seems to be a regular Thursday occurrence these weeks. A car almost hit me (which is good because if I hadn't gone into the intersection they would have had the near miss with the pedestrian on my other side), and I just cracked. I yelled at my steering wheel, cried a bit, parked my car, walked into my room, dropped my bags and fell face first into my bed... Then my phone rang. I knew who it was before I looked. It was my best friend, the perfect person to call. It was great. I got to let it all out. Then she told me that the guy she is dating is going home with her for Christmas. I was so happy for her that is completely changed my mood and made me laugh and smile. I couldn't be happier for her right now. She is happy, and she is being treated like a queen like she deserves.

That made me think though. What choices have we made that have brought us down the paths where we are? I am here sustaining life, while she has a nine to five, is happy, surrounded by friends, and being adored. I'm not saying that I'm not happy. I'd say more often than not I am very happy, but in general... am I? What makes a person happy?

I went to a class for one of my best friends once and we touched on that exact question. There are studies that have been done that show that a person's happiness depends on their family, friends, surroundings, job, and love. I guess family and friends could really be grouped into the love category, but let's face it, everybody thinks of love as the romantic love between a man and a woman.
After reviewing those, it's no wonder I'm not as happy as I think I should be. Pretty much all the categories could use a little tweak.

So that brings us back to the question of what took me here? What took my best friend where she is? I can see a few things where I could have done something different, but that wouldn't have changed everything. Also, while I was there making those decisions I had no idea what would happen. Did I know that five years down the road I would be looking back on them and wondering? No, of course not.

I guess while living life you never really know where your decisions will take you. But isn't that part of the beauty of it? You live and have these decisions to make. You always make up a decision in the end, but where it takes you is a mystery.

I want to take myself somewhere else.

My Orchid

I have come to realize that my orchid likes the bathroom just as much as I do... maybe even more.


Since I live in a basement, it is usually pretty cold down here. Well, at least it is colder than outside or the house above me. I even found myself turning on the heater every once in a while just so I wouldn't have to wander around the place in a blanket. I soon realized that the orchid I got last Saturday didn't like the cold either, and though they like indirect sunlight, I don't think mine was getting much of any. That's when I decided to move it into the bathroom.


Now my orchid had three lovely flowers on it. Above you can see two of the preexisting ones. There were also three buds on it. Two were pretty decent sized, and the third was just a tiny thing. I got scared and realized my plant needed some help when I realized that the tiniest bud had started to shrivel. The flowers were still beautiful, but I was afraid it was dying.


I sat the flower by my side a few nights ago trying to figure out what to do with it. Then I realized that the bathroom was the brightest place in the basement... though still not full of sunlight by any means. It was always warmer in there. I take baths constantly, so it is always humid, and the white walls make for great reflected light. I took a chance and moved it into the bathroom that night. The next day I took close watch on it, but saw no difference in the baby bud. I kept watch over it all day. The next morning when I woke up the biggest bud had opened, and one or two days later it is the flower at the top of this picture.


I was so excited. Seriously smiling all day about my new bloom. So I decided to make something to hold the flower to the stick that props it up. My friends have little hair clips on their flowers and plants, but I couldn't find any I liked. That's when I got the idea to make little wire people to fasten it. That's where these little guys come in.


I had originally planned to have this one sitting on the root, but I decided against it when I realized the root wasn't that strong. So I moved him from his sitting position to his reclining position. Hence the feeling that he has a bit of a belly ache when you look at him.


These little guys were the first to get made. I thought I would give them a bit more support by adding a "rope" between them. I love how they all have such personality. You can really see it when you look at them in person.


I figured they had to be climbing for something, so I decided to put a flower at the top. It reminds me of the long tedious searches for the ghost or phantom orchids that some people go through.

Anyway, I'm way excited that my orchid is actually showing signs of growth. Hey, if I don't have a roommate and I can't have a pet, I think a plant is definitely a good substitute. Especially one so hearty and beautiful as an orchid.

The Basement

I just thought I'd put an actual picture of me in the apartment... where I'm not in a mirror.


This is the house where I live. My lovely car is the in the driveway. I'm sure you can't see it, but is has Cheers written in the front window. In Provo, and in a student ward, every house has a name. This house was named Cheers who knows how long ago. I don't know why, but there is something slightly romantic about living in the basement of a house named Cheers... in Provo of all places.


This would be a picture of the stairs leading down to my abode. If you look closely you can see that the top two and a half steps are slightly whiter than the rest... That would be the work or my handy sidewalk chalk... and the fact that it isn't done is because my hand started hurting. Oh well.


This would be the view you get when you turn right after you step into the basement. I'm thinking that this side of the living room needs some help... a lot of help. Yes I did put my dishes on the table for the picture. I think it helped it a little bit. I have no idea what to do with the wall. If I had enough books that would be it. I would be happy. Books are so beautiful and pleasing in every way. But alas I don't have enough books. I'm getting some material at the end of the week. It is old fashioned looking yellow curtain material. I'm going to make a table runner and a couple of pillows with it. Maybe place mats?


This would be the only good thing about that side of the room. It is my craft/sewing "corner". I like how it turned out to be so green. Half of that was by accident actually.


This would be the view you get when you turn right after you walk through the door. This is really where I live. Who spends time in their bedroom when you live in a basement and have a living room to yourself? Yes I covered the couches, and you can see what they used to look like... obviously.


This would be the red couch. I thought it was a little iffy putting a different red and pink "art" up beside it, but I think it works. I'm also thinking the yellow pillows will actually look good on that couch. Hmmm...

The green couch. I'm thinking maybe a little Christmasy with the red and the green, but there is enough other color around and will be more when the yellow comes that I think I can live with it.



This would be almost one of my favorite views in the place. Something is just pleasing about opening the door and seeing the little shelf full of scents and the pretty red shower curtain. I kinda wish the shower mat was an India blue like the pillow on the red couch, but I'm not complaining.


Now with the bathroom door closed. Yesterday I decided that my walls were a little too bare, and noticed I had some cool tissue paper. I got out the scissors, a big cardboard box, my glue stick, some masking tape and had at it. That is where all of the "wall hangings" came from.


A quick peek in the bathroom. The window usually isn't opened. There is something so bright and inviting in this bathroom that I just love. I've only been living here a week and a half, and I have already taken three baths in this tub. Mmmmmm...


This is the view from my bedroom door out into the hallway. Behind that door is the place I call the dungeon, or the oubliette. It is actually just a dark storage room with the water heater and junk in it. Yes that is me int he mirror or course.


My room. These rooms are really for two people. The apartment is actually meant for four people. I just got lucky this summer. I really hope nobody else moves in. There are really a lot of downsides living here, and I can't imagine having to deal with a lot of people along with those downsides. Especially in light of my last roommate experience and not having to deal with those downsides.


Now for a view of the downsides. The kitchen. I love it. It is just my height. I am five feet tall, and I could jump and hit my head on the ceiling. Last week the management just got a new micro. There is no garbage disposal or dishwasher, and all the counter space is what you see... less than a foot in depth. This angle actually makes it look bigger than it is.


This wound be the other side of the kitchen. The lovely gas stove and the fridge that has an icebox for a freezer. It's quaint. I love it. I don't want to share it with other people. Oh, and I'm also working on a little something out of cut out paper and such to put over the stove. Haha, I just realized how dangerous that sounds. Oh well.

So that was the tour of the basement. I haven't lived alone since my first semester of Freshman year. It makes me realize how much free time I have, and how needy roommates actually are. If you have any ideas for spicing the place up a bit more, let me know. Of course it needs to be incredibly cheap or free.

Bleagch the day

Today has probably been one of the crappiest days I've had for a while. I've managed to have a good attitude and be in a good mood for the past week or so despite certain things that would usually be bringing me down. Today however, I woke up and knew it would not be one of the best.

For starters, I went to bed very late and in a somewhat bad mood. I woke up five hours later to a phone call asking me if I would move my car out of the driveway so people could get out. I tried to go back to bed and I just kept tossing and turning till about 11 frozen and SO not wanting to get up. My mind was racing and regretting the things that I needed to do.

The main thing on my mind was a guy... or course. Though what I was realizing about the guy made the thoughts not as wonderful as could be expected when thinking about guys. You see, I have found myself in an awkward situation. I have fallen for a guy that I have come to realize is using me for a Mormonized Booty Call relationship. He calls me and tells me he has a movie or asks if I want to hang out. I see him, then I don't see or hear from him for a few days until the next encounter. I'll call him on occasion, but it is rare that he will talk to me on the phone before ten at night.

I tried to talk myself out of realizing what it was. I told myself that a guy that doesn't like me wouldn't call me and talk to me on the phone for half an our without meeting up. That when we are together we talk and laugh and such. That the relationship isn't all physical, so that can't be it.

Well boys and girls, I have at my disposal a booty call where both parties like each other, but one of the parties happens to like someone else more, and won't let it grow into anything else with the booty call partner.

All morning I was thinking about it and decided that I am so much better than that. I need a guy that will take me out on dates. I need a guy that will talk to me in the middle of the day. I need a guy that will treat me like his number one and respect me for me. I deserve that, and I deserve way better than what I have.

So I got ready for work. I ate my breakfast, packed a lunch, and was off. I couldn't stop thinking about the decision I had made to give this guy an ultimatum. When I was wandering around folding clothes, one of the managers walked in and asked me if I was okay. Not the right question to ask a girl who knows what the answer will be to the ultimatum she is about to give the guy she likes. I said I was fine, but just about broke down and cried. She told me that if I needed any time to myself that I could just go into the back and let her know so she could cover the floor.

I felt like such a wimpy girl. I didn't used to be the kind of girl that would cry over stupid little things like this. After she left I turned around and let a tear fall when I was "rearranging the hangers." It was just one tear, but it was enough for me to realize that this really is what I need. I'm 22 and I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years. In my whole life of dating, I have only had one second date, and that was as far as it got. I need a boyfriend and not a booty call. If it is him, then that would be great, but if it is someone else (which I pretty much know it will be) I need to break this off and go find him and stop wasting my time.

I know this sounds dumb, but when it is cold and drizzly outside, and when you are thinking about things like that, then everything else seems to be so much worse, and like the world is against you. When I was on break that manager told me that they are interviewing for Stock Supervisor. I said I would like to have an interview and she seemed to wonder why I didn't know they were hiring. That made me wonder. Bad idea. I am a good employee and I should realize that and not think that there are reasons for me not having been told about this. Anyway, I scheduled an interview, so that was at least one good thing.

Then when I was putting up hangers I hit my head really hard on the faux stone counter. Yeah it hurt. It felt like just another thing going wrong, and I let another tear fall. Just one again. Then I went on my way and started folding things. A few minutes later it was still hurting, so I felt it to see how big it was. When I looked at my fingers I saw blood on them and I just had to laugh... then go get stuff from the first aide kit to clean myself up.

They let me off an hour early because it was so slow at work, and I was counting the minutes until I got off. Right when I got back I scrubbed the tub and started drawing a bath. I got out a book, made some tea, got out some oreos and soaked for about an hour. It was what I needed. My day isn't better, but that hour was grand, warm, delicious, and just for me.

Once again I am freezing in my living room with a blanket around me and a scab and a bump on my head, reading a book, playing around on the computer, and telling myself that I'm not checking my phone every two minutes. I called him yesterday around this time. Chances are that if he calls it will be late. But chances are he won't call tonight, and I will have to go through another day of convincing myself that this is what I need and deserve. Then tomorrow night when he calls and wants to hang out I will buckle under the pressure of boredom and loneliness and let him come over without talking to him about any of this. Then I will remember that I deserve more and go through the same cycle once again... until he breaks it off instead of me and I'm crushed even more than I would be if I had brought it up the first time.

All is not fair in love and war. I deserve a good night.